Coolie



"A jobless pleb who has recently quit their pills."

- Game Manual bio

Character Synopsis
Coolie is the main protagonist of John Clowder's Where They Cremate The Roadkill. He is first shown trying to kill himself using Genie for unknown reasons. He then ascends to Heaven and takes a tour of Heaven, only to be casted down to Earth for his own actions and sins. This is where he then encounters mysterious entity named Emnn, who is later revealed to be The Devil. He is then sent on a mass killing spree by The Devil in order to clear himself of his past mistakes and taking revenge on those who's wronged him in the past. In his past lives, he took the forms of the Fictionist and Noshka as well. During certain points in the game, the perspective will shift to that of one of those characters, making a flashback to the Coolie's previous lives.

Character Statistics
Tiering: Low 2-C 

Verse: Where They Cremate Roadkill (Clowderverse)

Name: Coolie

Gender: Male

Age: Persumbly 20s

Classification: Vengeful Spirit, Fallen Angel

Special Abilities: Superhuman Physical Characteristics, Weapon Mastery, Elemental Manipulation (In the form of Electricity [via Convulse and KG-14 Guitar], Ice [via Bowie Knife] and Fire [via Wyrmling, Bowie Knife, and Healing Hand]), Sound Manipulation (The KG-14 Guitar is capable of producing damaging sounds), Healing, Sleep Manipulation (R&R puts Coolie and others around him to sleep, as this happens, he gradually is healed), Summoning (Can briefly summon the Fictionist [via Mind Barrier and Otherworldly Relic] and the Noshka [via Summon Noshka] to seek aid from their abilities), Status Effect Inducement, Mind Manipulation, Empathic Manipulation, Danmaku, Forcefield Creation, Creation of various objects (Via Summon Block), Self-Resurrection (via Rise), Darkness Manipulation (via Talkative Revolver)

Destructive Ability: Universe Level+ (Destroyed The Orphic Egg, a construct that contains 10,000 unseperated dimensions that would split and become dimensions upon being cracked open. Noshka, who's Coolie's past life, is also capable of replicating this feat)

Speed: Massively FTL (Should be miles superior to standard inhabitants of The Rift, some of which can traverse and devour numerous stars in a single day. Gene Player considers the inner membrane of Blackhole as a "Cat's Lick" and can easily resist it's pull)

Lifting Ability: Superhuman (Shown to be capable of throwing heavy objects like vending machines, large creates and large cubic blocks comprised of unknown material. Capable of wielding weapons that are much bigger than Coolie himself)

Striking Ability: Universal+ (Cracked open The Orphic Egg, which contains a space-time comprised of 10,000 unseperated dimensions)

Durability: Universe Level+ (Capable of surviving attacks from comparable entities)

Stamina: Unknown

Range: Melee extended with weapons, several meters with spells

Intelligence: Average 

Weaknesses: His whole purpose is for solely revenge

Other Attributes
List of Equipment:

Weapons:  Coolie obtains a variety of different weapons throughout the game, each of which have a chargeable special attack that is used via holding down the attack button for a certain amount of time (usually 3 to 5 seconds). If Coolie is hit by an attack while charging, the attack will be interrupted and cancelled. Notable Attacks/Techniques:
 * Butter Knife: A basic knife given to Coolie at the beginning of the game.
 * Spiral: Charging the attack button with the butter knife and releasing will make the Coolie infuse red energy into the knife and perform a powerful spinning attack.
 * Dentures: A pair of dentures that Coolie uses to bite foes.
 * Haste: Holding down the attack button and releasing with the Dentures will give Coolie a temporary boost in speed. Judging by the animation effects of the move, which consists of a clock slowing down, it is likely done via slowing down time.
 * ​Ceremonial Scissors: A big pair of scissors that may as well be hedge clippers.
 * Slash: A powerful triple slash attack.
 * Pepper Spray: ​A bottle of pepper spray that damages opponents when spraying them with it, presumably via contact with the eyes.
 * Gas Cloud: Creates a small cloud of pepper spray. Anybody who makes contact it aside from Coolie will take repeated damage and possibly get inflicted with temporary poison as well.
 * Healing Hand: A floating hand that pushes opponents back with small telekinetic waves.
 * Blue Flame: Briefly covers Coolie in a blue flame. Anybody who makes contact with him in this state will take damage from the heat.
 * Wyrmling: A strange bird/reptile hybrid that the Coolie can command to fly out, attack opponents, steal items, and fly back.
 * Dragon Fire: The Wyrmling flies up and unleashes a large blue flame onto the ground. This blue flame then fires out four orange flames, each of which travelling in a completely different direction (left, right, forward, backward)
 * Makeshift Mace: A club with a bunch of nails in it.
 * Bowie Knife: A red knife that can attack with various different elements such as water, fire, darkness, and ice.
 * Compact Bow: A bow that can fire projectile arrows, as long as Coolie has them in supply.
 * Bomb Arrow: An arrow with a bomb attached to it. Can only be used if Coolie has either of these in supply.
 * KG-14 Guitar: A guitar that attacks by creating short-ranged sound waves and lightning bolts.
 * Whatsis: An unidentifiable object. Seems to be a large strawberry-like object that wouldn't serve a very good purpose as a melee weapon, but it inflicts the most damage out of any weapon in the game and its attack animations are cryptic and strange; each hit makes three cryptic symbols appear and float across the screen. The amount of damage inflicted seems to oscillate with every attack, and it is the only weapon that can damage the Orphic Egg.
 * Top: The special attack of the Whatsis creates a large, human-sized top that moves in whatever direction Coolie commands it to. This top can repeatedly inflict damage by ramming into opponents.
 * Caduceus: A wand with a wings and a moon on the end of it. Fires several moon-shaped energy projectiles. Can also fire omni-directional danmaku of said projectiles. Uses an energy known as "Astra" for ammunition, and must take time to recharge after its supply is depleted.
 * Talkative Revolver (Genie) A sentient revolver that can talk. Her bullets double as eggs that birth her young from the corpse of the victim. She also has a Holding down the attack button and releasing fires an explosive round of darkness at the opponent, which is entirely magic based and doesn't use up bullets.
 * Chat Kat: A phone that was originally a Genie, until Emnn transmutated it into a Cat Phone and gave it to Coolie.
 * Scanning: Chat Kat can scan things to gain information. She can scan targets or NPCs to give Coolie brief bios of information, or scan rooms for anomalous properties (particularly dimensional disturbances), allowing Coolie to find secret doors.
 * Downloading: Chat Kat can download the entirety of military history at moment's notice, and use that knowledge to give Coolie tactics. For reference, Where They Cremate the Roadkill takes place long after the year 3XXX and war is still an occurrence, so this means that Chat Kat can download well over 3 millenniums' worth of military information. Chat Kat can also presumably download maps of areas as well, as she has implied that she uses such features to guide Coolie.
 * Duck Hunt: Chat Kat has a playable minigame involving the shooting of ducks and clones of Coolie. By playing this game, Coolie can win healing items and free experience points. Towards the end of the game, Chat Kat has displayed the ability to summon the ducks from inside the screen to attack opponents.
 * Provoke: Provokes a passive being into aggressiveness while inflicting 1 HP of damage.
 * The Love of Money: Fires an omnidirectional danmaku of coins. Takes away 25 from the current amount of money Coolie possesses.
 * Summon Noshka: Summons aNoshka, Coolie's totem animal, into battle. Up to three of them can be summoned at once.
 * Otherworld Relic: Summons a long, thin rectangular prism, one of the objects commonly found floating around the realm that Fictionistlived in. It slowly floats around the screen, dealing great damage to anybody who touches it.
 * Mind Barrier: Coolie seeks aid from one of his past lives, calling for Fictionist to create a mind barrier to protect him from physical attacks.
 * Toughen: Temporarily boosts Coolie's defense.
 * Past Lives: Summons the spirits of Coolie's past lives to protect him. Temporarily grants the "Rise" status effect for Coolie. If Coolie dies when this state is active, he will immediately be revived with minimal HP.
 * R & R: Puts Coolie to sleep. When in this state, he will gradually heal HP.
 * Invisible: Turns Coolie invisible for a limited time.
 * Deflate: Deflates Coolie's body. This can be used to evade attacks if proper timing is used.
 * Tongue Lash: Fires Coolie's tongue at the opponent to inflict damage. Coolie immediately regenerates the tongue after use.
 * Convulse: Coolie dashes around the screen in a square-like pattern, generating electric jolts and creating after images. Deals heavy damage to anybody he collides with.
 * Downvote: Removes any positive status effects or power boosts from a selected target.
 * Puppet Putty: Makes massive drops of clay fall down onto the ground from various places around the screen.

Others
Notable Victories:

Notable Losses:

Inconclusive Matches: